Day 1 of my new diet

Woke up this morning thinking....Today is a new beginning!! I'm starting my diet pills that arrived yesterday and they are going to work. {crossing my fingers} Happy Thoughts

Took my 1st pill at 8:30am and i'm still not hungry and its been almost 4 hours. AmAzInG! This is my plan. Two pills a day, one in the morning and one mid day. No breakfast just coffee. Mini lunch, fruit or protein shake. Super small dinner, maybe steamed veggies or a salad. And i'm hitting the gym everyday for major cardio.

*****Skinny here i come****Watch out

Package of dream meds should arrive today

I'm so excited!! I track my package and hopefully it should arrive today. Can't wait to start taking the pills and let the magic begin ************************************************ MY PACKAGE IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!YIPEEEEE. I'll take my first pill tomorrow

Its been a long time

Some may say time away from blogging is good but for me it was the opposite. Time has been BAD very very bad for me. Where do i start, lets just throw out there 15 pounds extra. Woah! I know 15 pounds. it makes me want to die!! So i started a diet two weeks ago. I signed up for weight watchers online in a moment of weakness. Not really sure why i decided to pay $60 for 3 months when i could just use http://www.caloriecount.about.com/ or http://www.loseit.com/ for free but i jumped right back into logging every little thing i put in my gully. I hit the gym 6 days a week (took sunday off) and did major cardo and strength training. Monday April 4 will be two weeks and i'm down ONLY 3 pounds :-(. Summer is coming so its time for DRASTIC MEASURES. I did research and I'm trying drugs. I just ordered Phentrol online because my doctor won't write me a prescription because she said I'm not obese. Figures!! So i ordered two month supply online. AND i'm going to start taking topamax again. I used it once before and i it really worked but my hair was falling out and i was afraid i would be bald if i kept taking it. Now i'm weighing the options....FAT or Bald...sorry but i'm choice a little baldness over being fat. Call me crazy but i really need to lose these 15 pounds before the middle of may. So here is my quesitons...has anyone tried this combo?? Do you think i can lose 15pounds in a month?

months have gone by and ive been here

so it's been months since I've written anything. I'm always here reading every one's blogs but i just never feel the need to write anything because I'm full of NOTHING!!! How sad am i...I'm so depressed :-(

i really feel like I'm letting everyone around me down and most of all I'm letting myself down. I need sunshine, i need vacation, i need a weeks worth of sleep!!

I promise next time i return i will have something better to write about :-0

empty feeling

I love that feeling of complete emptiness. I lived for so many years in fear of being trapped and having that starving/headache feeling and having no food to eat so I was always over stuffed my face to make sure I was never empty. Constantly overeating, stuffing my face, hiding food, hording things, just so I would never have to be without but now I live for the empty dizzy feeling.

It’s kind of sick but I feel so powerful and in control when my stomach is empty and I feel a little dizzy. I know I can eat at anytime but I choice to not because it’s my goal to remain skinny. Skinny is perfect. Skinny is control. Skinny is my Disneyland.

My only issue with this feeling is sometimes I just can’t think fast enough. My brain just doesn’t want to work as fast. I guess I’m getting a little dumber. LOL

Does this happen to anyone else?

Sorry i've been MIA but i've been reading

Well, not much to report on this end except that i'm down 3 more pounds!! Almost at my first goal weight. NOW I NEED TO JUST KEEP GOING!! NO FOOD< id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5476021022867784066" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 104px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 112px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiua8J3Azo5MJzKPQRS4H_2QInSdXUsg8qk7J8gQbUVHwWQ7rw4tCkEt1504Di3E6FZdLBPOqdfe8LbOHkaqyEqKv440TbDdhsjDwjtMvPNzuhjCgk88bUGiZR6lulNiwgi0uAlnS33xWFS/s320/weight+lose.jpg" border="0">

Awkward Encounters with Co-Workers Today and its only 10am

Don’t stop suddenly talking about your mother’s day with great animation because I walked into the room and I don’t have a mother and you feel guilty. You’re not responsible for my mother’s death and I don’t expect everyone around me to stop living there lives because mine has come to a screeching halt.

It’s so odd how co-workers don’t know how to handle themselves around you anymore. Am I really that different?? I guess I am a lot more depressed, have a very dark sense of humor and I’m partial to wearing all black lately but I’m still the same person. I’m just mourning

2010 has been the year of sadness for me. Watching my mother die a slow and painful death a few months ago and now watching my husband’s grandmother pass away last week as well. I’m just surrounded by sadness and I just feel the gloom and misery and depression. It makes me feel alive.
xoxo
k